So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
this beer tastes like vomit already
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
