We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My dad just said "fuck circus"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
