nut hugger
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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