I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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