and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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