I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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