Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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