I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
