Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
