this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
