If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
