Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This girl is more easily done than said...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
