she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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