i already hear my dad disowning me
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I came so hard my ears popped.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
