This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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