she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize