My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
3 2 1 whiskey
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
