ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
