she woke up with a sticky ear
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
