This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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