Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
