This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
