Your face is a jimmy john
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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