That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I need to stop coming to work sober
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
