i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
BRING THE BAGELS
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
