the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
