Porn is love you can see.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Let's paint friendship bongs
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
