i think my tv is drunk
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I see more hoeing in ur future
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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