i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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