Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize