hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
