Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
