He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
