Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
