FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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