I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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