Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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