i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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