I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
