U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
