Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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