you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
