Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
