i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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