He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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