you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
