It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
