found the other keg... it's in the tree
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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