so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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