I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
