HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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