Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Did I show you my penis last night?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
