Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
