Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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