put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
