And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
