I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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