what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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