You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
