I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
