morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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