Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
