I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
