Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
