her vagine was all disorganized.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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