we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
