the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
