I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Randomize
