"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
