Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
