do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My vagina is officially offended.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
