You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
bring money and cleavage
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
