My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
