so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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