Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize