Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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