Cold hands, warm shart.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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