just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
