I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize