is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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