NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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