Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
