hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
