I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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