THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
