You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
