I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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