question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
