I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I love how my cats smell like pot.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
