If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
