I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
