My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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