you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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