i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
