There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Do vagina's smell?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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