I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
