Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
