White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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