My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
