He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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