i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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