nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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