u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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